Love Does Not...

Ever look at your life, and simply begin to wonder how is it that you were able to overcome one of the darkest moments of your life? How even after having completely lost yourself in somebody else, you are now able to find firm ground to walk on? As a result of this, have you felt ashamed, and worthless for letting yourself get to that point? I did.

See, the thing is that a few years ago I was in a very unhealthy, draining and toxic relationship. It completely broke me. However, If I am being honest I decided to ignore all the signs. After all, we both had our flaws, we had both made mistakes, and we were engaged. Love seemed to be the reason for it all.
Love, Unhealthy Relationships, Toxic Relationships

Looking back, it pains me to realize that I believed that I was in love, but when you are young and in “love” it is so easy to get wrapped up in the perfect words, the surprises, and the emotions of it all. With the right words, all the reasons/excuses made sense, in the mind of an immature teen.

If he was constantly checking up on you. It meant he missed you.

If he asked who you were with. It meant he cared about your friends.

If he got upset because you were focusing too much attention on your friends.

It meant, he was simply jealous because he loves you.

I won’t deny that I had my own faults, I allowed someone else to kiss me and, even though I told him immediately after it happened; now he couldn’t trust me. As a result of this passwords were exchanged. After all, I should be thankful he still wanted to be with me.

On the other hand, I had no reason to question him, even though he would lie, but it was so I wouldn’t get mad. He would simply get defensive; then again he wasn’t the one who cheated.

I knew this was not right, but I had already exposed my emotions, my heart and even my mind to him. I had made myself vulnerable. Stepping away was a difficult thing to do. January 2012, it happened, I broke up with him. I would love to say that things ended then, but they didn’t.

Guard Your Heart, Bible Verse

At this moment he already knew the things that had meaning for me. Prayer, God, family, future, work, and career, all were included in these promises. I wanted to believe that love could defeat all things, and that there was hope in the relationship, because in the end, he was the one trying and I was the one that had given up on us, based on our parents advice. They simply wanted to control us.
Two months after the break up, I found out he was dating someone, according to him, she needed from his support. For months after, we went back and forth between him “soon” breaking up with her, to “we will have a future together”. 8 months passed before I finally decided it was time to end it all.

I know, what you might be thinking. Why didn’t you end it sooner? I had unfortunately put so much of myself into this relationship that the thought of being away from him made me feel incomplete. He would remind me, that we were a team, and together we could accomplish great things. Maybe you are thinking, Well it’s your fault for putting yourself in that situation, and maybe you are right, we were both young and immature there is no doubt about that. Yet in my immaturity, I never imagined that things could escalate so quickly, and didn’t understand just how much this could actually hurt me. You may be thinking, all relationships have issues what’s the big deal? For me the deal was that I was no longer myself. I had put so much into “US” that I had forgotten who I was. I had distanced myself from some friends, and even family. I felt ashamed that I had believed everything, and that I had allowed for it to get to that point. I wanted to be alone. I no longer knew how to make things matter again. This had left a mark, just not one that was visible for others to see.

Six years down the road here I am. Single. That’s okay. Because as cliché as it sounds, I have had the opportunity to deal with this in many ways, from careless to helpful, but most importantly I have learned what love really means. Not just in a romantic type of way, but in a true genuine form. The love I receive from friends, family, and most importantly God. I wouldn’t have been able to get to where I am on my own.

Love is, Bible Verse

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. Dating Violence is defined as the physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional violence within a dating relationship. For more information or help visit loveisrespect.org Even if you do not feel like it is violence/abuse, unhealthy relationships can easily escalate, it is best to talk to someone before the situation gets more complicated.

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